Awkward^n

Those who have had the unfortunate experience of having a phone conversation with me know how poor my conversing-via-telephone skills are.

You may not know — but can probably guess — that my dealing-with-cosmetologists skills are similarly amazing.

I'm sure you can imagine what happens when I try to make a hair appointment over the phone.

It is that much worse when, by necessity, the conversation begins: "So, do you braid white girls' hair?"

Novel novels: January 2011

1. The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

3 stars

I get the feeling that this book is some sort of lesbian pulp classic, and all I can say is thank fucking hell we got beyond this point. Or maybe it's a literary style that is still alive and well and I'm just ... missing out. Whatever.

The point is, if you want to read some tortured self-flagellation that's kind of like a cross between Lolita and The Women's Room, this is an excellent choice.

And yet, it managed to get 3 stars. Wtf. Well, if there was ever proof that my starring system kind of sucks major ass, this is it.

2. Spook Country by William Gibson

4 stars

I got Zero History from the library, started to read it and realized there was another Gibson in between Pattern Recognition and Zero History that it appeared I had not read. That would be Spook Country, which I just happened to have in my personal collection, but had not yet read. Bra-fucking-vo, self.

Now, I am a major William Gibson fan-girl. I heart Cayce Pollard so hard that I used an l33t speak version of her name as a password for a while. Spook Country does not disappoint (although Hollis seemed very much like Cayce to me).

PR seemed a little further in the future than SC did, which I can't imagine is purposeful since SC obviously occurs at least several in-world years after PR. I think the sense of contemporary-ness I got from SC came from multiple time-specific pop culture references, which may or may not have been present in PR, but I don't remember them, if they were.

Anyway, SC has a multiple-perspective storyline, lots of techporn, mystery/intrigue/late unveiling of plot points and descriptions of what characters are wearing in pretty much every scene. Basically everything I love about William Gibson.

3. Zero History by William Gibson

4 stars

More Hollis, more Milgrim, more Bigend.

Maybe I'm being uncharitable here, but I was hoping for more development from Hollis than a love story. Yawn. Don't get me wrong, I like the story, but I wanted more.

I enjoyed the metamorphosis of Milgrim, from one-talent druggie to a more independent, self-aware and gifted person.

My favourite part of this book, I think, was the (albeit slight) vulnerability of Bigend. His role in the books up until now has been this sort of omnipotent, nearly omniscient force of nature, and that image gets disturbed a little bit in ZH. I'm really looking forward to the next book, to see what happens with Bigend.

4. Incarceron by Catherine Fisher

3.5 stars

I'm trying to cut down on the number of books I have in my library queue, because I'm having trouble reading them all before they have to go back. Especially the books, like Incarceron, that have waiting lists as long as my arm. No, I have no problem reading a book in the three-week loan period. I do, however, have problems reading a dozen books during that time, especially if I want to do something else besides go to work and read.

I've been trying to cut out (or at least cut down on) young-adult books, but the three I read this month were ones whose queues I had been on forever, and I couldn't really pass them up when my turn came.

Anyway, I'm really glad I read Incarceron, for the pure steampunk joy of it. The serendipitous fairytale-ness kind of bothered me, but it's not like I can expect better from a YA in all good conscience.

5. Mortal Engines by Philip Reeve

4 stars

I am thrilled that this is a series, because I can't wait to read more from Reeve. Thoroughly detailed alternate-history dystopia and artful steampunk *squee*

I loved being pleasantly surprised when (what I thought was) some sort of overblown foreshadowing would happen ... and was then followed by something that was totally contrary to the foreshadowing.

So maybe what I'm trying to say is that the plot was melodramatic, but managed to not be completely transparent. Something.

Whatever, newseriessqueelove!

6. The Unincorporated War by Dani Kollin and Eytan Kollin

3.5 stars, trigger warning for compromised consent

How I end up feeling about this book will probably depend on what happens in the next one. I want to see how they tie up various plot lines, et cetera, before I decide if the Kollin brothers are amazing or if I want to punch them in the face.

The two major lines being Neela and the religion thing.

[spoiler?] I kind of like that it seems Neela has passed the point of no return. Is there any way she can be rescued after this and have the story retain its credibility? I don't really think so, so if she magically ends up being okay in the third book, the Kollin brothers are going to have to work really fucking hard to make that look plausible and not like a fucking cop-out. [/spoiler]

I seriously admire authors who take their main characters past the point of no return. Points for balls and realism. Shit happens in real life, so shit needs to happen in books.

Did I mention that dystopia is basically my favourite genre? No? Well, now you know. Moving on ...

Ditto the religion thing. [spoiler] If it turns out that religion is going to save the world, and all this society needs is religion to Make Everything All Better, I am going to be some serious kinds of fucking pissed. Because although it's good that this new version of religion is being less pushy about their specific beliefs, they still think that it's okay to judge people if they don't have any sort of faith. Although an improvement, it's not my idea of perfect. [/spoiler]

7. Behemoth by Scott Westerfeld

3.5 stars

My third YA steampunk novel for the month, but I hadn't tired of it yet. Perhaps that's the ticket? Steampunk versus paranormal romance?

BlahblahblahIheartScottWesterfeldandsteampunkandbiopunk. There's not really much else to say.

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: December 2010

This month is heavy on the paranormal young adult romance. May have ODed a bit.

1. Sabre-Tooth by Peter O'Donnell

• 4 stars

2. The Capture by Kathryn Lasky

• 2.5 stars

3. The Little Stranger by Sarah Waters

• 3.5 stars

4. Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare

• 4 stars

5. Chains by Laurie Halse Anderson

• 3 stars

6. Fallen by Lauren Kate

• 2.5 stars

7. Hush, Hush by Becca Fitzpatrick

• 2.5 stars

8. The Unnamed by Joshua Ferris

• 3 stars

9. I, Lucifer by Peter O'Donnell

• 3.5 stars

10. Beautiful Creatures by Kami Garcia and Margaret Stohl

• 3 stars

11. The Risen Empire by Scott Westerfeld

• 4 stars

12. Firelight by Sophie Jordan

• 4 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: November 2010

1. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

• 4.5 stars

2. The Girl Who Played with Fire by Stieg Larsson

• 4.5 stars

3. Pirate Sun by Karl Schroeder

• 4 stars

4. The Sunless Countries by Karl Schroeder

• 4 stars

5. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest by Stieg Larsson

• 4.5 stars

6. Prospero in Hell by L. Jagi Lamplighter

• 4 stars

7. Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson

• 3 stars

8. Kushiel's Chosen by Jacqueline Carey

• 4 stars

9. Warriors series, books 1-4 by Erin Hunter

• 3.5 stars

10. Modesty Blaise by Peter O'Donnell

• 4.5 stars

11. Twelfth Grade Kills by Heather Brewer

• 2.5 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: October 2010

1. Son of a Witch by Gregory Maguire

• 4 stars

2. A Lion Among Men by Gregory Maguire

• 3.5 stars

3. A Series of Unfortunate Events, books the fifth, seventh and ninth by Lemony Snicket

• 4.5 stars

4. Johannes Cabal, the Necromancer by Jonathan Howard

• 3 stars

5. The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod, books I through IV by Heather Brewer

• 2.5 stars

6. Sun of Suns by Karl Schroeder

• 4 stars

7. Queen of Candescence by Karl Schroeder

• 3.5 stars

8. The Unincorporated Man by Dani Kollin, Eytan Kollin

• 3.5 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: September 2010

1. City of Glass by Cassandra Clare

• 3.5 stars

2. The World Without Us by Alan Weisman

• 3.5 stars

3. The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by NK Jemisin

• 4 stars

4. Prospero Lost by L. Jagi Lamplighter

• 4.5 stars

5. Wicked by Gregory Maguire

• 4.5 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: August 2010

1. Waifs and Strays by Charles de Lint

• 4 stars

2. City of Bones by Cassandra Clare

• 3.5 stars

3. Pellinor series by Alison Croggon

• 4 stars

4. American Gods by Neil Gaiman

• 3.5 stars

5. Seed to Harvest by Octavia Butler

• 4 stars

6. Push by Sapphire

• 3 stars

7. City of Ashes by Cassandra Clare

• 3.5 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: July 2010

1. Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey

• 3.5 stars

2. The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan

• 3 stars

3. The Owl Killers by Karen Maitland

• 3.5 stars

4. Spirits that Walk in Shadow by Nina Kiriki Hoffman

• 3.5 stars

5. Let Me In by John Ajvide Lindqvist

• 3.5 stars

6. Spirits in the Wires by Charles de Lint

• 3 stars

7. Sword of Avalon by Diana L. Paxson

• 4.5 stars

8. Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

• 3.5 stars
• This book struck me as being a lot like Un Lun Dun, except not as good.

9. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman

• 3.5 stars

10. Love the One You're With by Annabelle Vestry

• 2.5 stars

11. Burger Wuss by M.T. Anderson

• 2 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: June 2010

1. The Astonishing Adventures of Fan Boy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga

• 3 stars

2. Breath by Donna Jo Napoli

• 2.5 stars

3. A Fistful of Sky by Nina Kiriki Hoffman

• 4.5 stars

4. The Shape of Water by Anne Spollen

• 3.5 stars

5. The Full Spectrum, edited by David Levithan and Billy Merrell

• 2.5 stars

6. The Fetch by Laura Whitcomb

• 2.5 stars

7. Un Lun Dun by China Miéville

• 4 stars

8. Elom by William Drinkard

• 3 stars

9. In the Garden of Iden by Kage Baker

• 4.5 stars

10. If They Give You Lined Paper, Write Sideways by Daniel Quinn

• 4 stars

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: May 2010

Um. May was a busy month, but I hadn't realized until now how little I'd read during it. Jaysus.

1. Unclutter Your Life in One Week! by Erin Rooney Doland

• 4 stars
• The fairly high rating here is due, I'm sure, to that responsible-adult feeling one gets after reading a responsible-adult-themed self-help book.

2. The SoNo Baking Company Cookbook by John Barricelli

• 3 stars

3. Winterbirth by Brian Ruckley

• 3.5 stars

4. Anathem by Neal Stephenson

• 4 stars
• Oh, look, a Neal Stephenson book I actually managed to finish! This is the first book I'd been able to check out in our new city (with a temporary card, which I could only use to check out two books at a time), which probably has something to do with the dedication I was able to exhibit.

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: April 2010

1. Muse and Reverie by Charles de Lint

• 3 stars

2. The Collected Stories of Colette

• 4 stars

3. Myst (trilogy) by Rand and Robyn Miller

• 2.5 stars

4. The Folk of the Fringe by Orson Scott Card

• 2.5 stars

5. Miss Manners' Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding by Judith Martin, Jacobina Martin

• 3 stars
• There's a special place in my heart for Miss Manners, who has managed to hit that special brand of diplomatic sarcasm thrice weekly for the past 33 years. Amazing.

6. Something to Declare, edited by Gillian Kendall

• 3.5 stars

7. All My Sins Remembered by Joe Haldeman

• 3 stars

8. How Much for Just the Planet? by John M. Ford

• 4.5 stars
• One of my friends (who was a friend of the author) gives copies of this book out routinely to visitors. High-larious.

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: March 2010

Note: I'm starting to write this series multiple months after I've finished reading the books, so in most cases I don't remember a whole lot. I'll include stuff I remember, including trigger warnings, but I'm not going to remember everything. I hope to rectify this when I catch up and am writing about stuff I just got done reading.

1. Storm Front by Jim Butcher

• 3 stars
• Amusing, most of all for the protagonist's resemblance to the friend who recommended this series to me

2. Fool Moon by Jim Butcher

• 2.5 stars

3. Man Walks into a Room by Nicole Krauss

• 3 stars

4. Come Along With Me by Shirley Jackson

• 3 stars
• Worth reading for the classic short story "The Lottery"

5. The Belgariad by David Eddings

• 3 stars
• Five-book series. Fairly enjoyable at the start, but after a while I got kind of tired of the "lowly Hero finds out He's actually Really Important and also there's a Prophecy about him, gathers a motley band of Followers, becomes some sort of leader/general/king person and doesn't believe in the Prophecy at all but end up following/fulfilling it anyway" thing. I did like many of the characters. I also started reading The Mallorean, but quit partway through.

6. Fun Home by Alison Bechdel

• 4 stars
• I liked the humour of this autobiographical graphic novel quite a bit. I usually don't enjoy graphic novels because I tend to just read the words and skip the pictures, but Bechdel's images managed to grab my attention well.

7. A Lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren

• 3 stars
• A PostSecret book. Not much else to say.

8. Perfect by Natasha Friend

• 2.5 stars
• Basic adolescent-girl-struggling-with-eating-disorder book. Trigger warning, obviously.

9. The Land of the Silver Apples by Nancy Farmer

• 3.5 stars
• I love Nancy Farmer's books and I love Norse mythology. So why did I not absolutely love this book? I really can't remember. It's probably because it wasn't as good as the first book of the series, The Sea of Trolls.

10. The Blue Girl by Charles de Lint

• 3.5 stars
• Charles de Lint is another favourite author and every so often I go on a de Lint kick and emerge three or four books later with a rather glazed expression and seeing fey folk everywhere. I prefer his short story collections, but this young adult book was enjoyable.

11. Interworld by Neil Gaiman and Michael Reaves

• 3 stars
• I liked the travelling-between-permutations-of-possible-worlds storyline. I think I was a bit disappointed by the speeding up of the plot at the end.

12. Behind the Mountains by Edwidge Danticat

• 2.5 stars

14. Grave Peril by Jim Butcher

• 2.5 stars
• After finishing this, I think I finished with Butcher, unless I happen to start hankering for semi-juvenile fantasy dripping with machismo.

Scoring system is as follows:
1 star = hated
1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate
2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly
2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat
3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again
3.5 stars = would probably read again
4 stars = would like to own a copy
4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally
5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

(totally not related to new year's) resolutions

I'm not really much for new year's resolutions, mostly because I don't like setting myself up to feel guilty. I feel guilty about silly things enough of the time that I don't like setting myself up for more. I also think it's kind of silly (for me) to use one-and-only-one day per year to set goals.

However (*laughs*) I've spent most of my day making lists of goals. I keep stubbornly telling myself that it's totally not because it's new year's, it just happens to be new year's when I do this. I'm probably not fooling anyone, but I keep insisting.

I enjoy making lists, in general. Not for the 'pleasure of crossing things off the list,' as I've heard is the reason many people like to make lists. No, I like to make lists because I have an fairly useless memory when it comes to things I'd like to remember to do (mind like a steel sieve, we say).

The keys to this resolution list are specitivity (as opposed to my life goals or conceptual resolutions) and positivity. It's a lot easier for me to follow something like a "walk the dog at least once per day" resolution than it is to follow a "see my family more" or "don't eat fast food" goal.

Without further ado, and in no particular order:

1. read at least two non-fiction books per month

Five of the last nine books I've read have been young adult paranormal romance novels. This shit has got to stop.

2. read at least one book per month about a subject or in a genre I've never read before

One of my only goals of the past year was to read only books I'd never read before, which exposed me to many new authors, but I ended up reading a lot of science fiction, fantasy and young adult. I'd like to expand even more this year.

3. write at least one blog post per week

Not really for the purposes of sharing with the world, but because a blog is a convenient place to keep things I've written and be able to find them later.

4. write at least one paper letter per week

Covering the dual goals of doing a better job of keeping in touch with people and cultivating a sense of physical correspondence. I tried to do the 'keeping in touch with people through letters' thing before, but it never really got off the ground, sadly. And now people's addresses have probably changed since the last time they gave them to me.

5. write at least one philosophical essay-type blog post per month

To keep up my mad philosophising skills.

6. spend at least 15 minutes per day on metaphysical exercise

This will probably be mostly meditation at first.

7. spend at least 15 minutes per day on writing exercise

Poetry or fictional prose. This is the kind of thing I don't blog about or even really share with anyone (anymore) but is still a skill I'd like to (re-)cultivate.

8. spend at least one hour per week on academic-type study

Current plans include brushing up on Latin and maths.

9. at least three times per week, spend a half-hour doing physical exercise

The challenge here is going to be finding things to do when I'm limited by the weather and by my back thingie. I actually really, really enjoy going to the gym, but I can't afford a membership right now.

10. try at least one new recipe/food-making activity per week

Cheese! Yogurt! Kefir! Different Meads! Different breads! Not desserts!

11. spend at least one hour per week searching for a new job

Pretty self-explanatory.

(cross-posted)

Novel novels: February 2010

Note: I'm starting to write this series multiple months after I've finished reading the books, so in most cases I don't remember a whole lot. I'll include stuff I remember, including trigger warnings, but I'm not going to remember everything. I hope to rectify this when I catch up and am writing about stuff I just got done reading.

1. The Law of Nines by Terry Goodkind

• 2 stars
• If you've read Terry Goodkind's Sword of Truth series, do yourself a favour and skip this book. I have read the Sword of Truth series in its entirety, and although I still list it among my favourites for nostalgia reasons, it's rife with problems from many standpoints, including feminist. This book is basically Wizard's First Rule, set in a modern world. *eye roll* I wouldn't be surprised if they got an intern to write it.

2. The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman

• 4 stars
• One of my first exposures to Gaiman's writing. Pretty nice.

3. People of the Book by Geraldine Brooks

• 3.5 stars
• Interesting, as a reader and a person interested in the specific history of an object, to read an account of the history of one particular copy of one particular book. Also enjoyable for the religious history aspect.

4. Life, Inc. by Douglas Rushkoff

• 4.5 stars
• Quietly inspiring. I liked learning about the history of the corporation, from this guy's POV.

5. take a chance on me by Annabelle Vestry

• 2.5 stars
• The Gossip Girl series is one of my guilty pleasures. Cotton candy for the brain. Don't judge.

6. The History of Love by Nicole Krauss

• 4.5 stars
• Lovely prose, lovely plot.

7. Leviathan by Scott Westerfeld

• 3 stars
• Westerfeld is one of my favourite authors. I liked the juxtaposition of biopunk and steampunk, but the plot didn't grip me as much as I would have liked.

8. Fire by Kristin Cashore

• 3.5 stars
• Again, I liked the world, but felt the plot fell short. Fairly decent from a feminist perspective.

9. Rosemary and Rue by Seanan McGuire

• 2.5 stars
• Interesting plot, but the writing and character development didn't really do it for me.

10. Let the Hurricane Roar by Rose Wilder Lane

• 2.5 stars
• Recommended only if you're a Martha/Charlotte/Caroline/Laura/Rose buff, like me.

11. The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak

• 3.5 stars

12. Haweswater by Sarah Hall

• 2.5 stars

13. Graceling by Kristin Cashore

• 3 stars

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy at all, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

Novel novels: January 2010

Note: I'm starting to write this series multiple months after I've finished reading the books, so in most cases I don't remember a whole lot. I'll include stuff I remember, including trigger warnings, but I'm not going to remember everything. I hope to rectify this when I catch up and am writing about stuff I just got done reading.

1. Dracula The Un-Dead by Dacre Stoker

• unfinished
• I couldn't even finish this piece of crap. If you had problems with the original Dracula being misogynistic, just wait for this. All of the stuff that Dracula does is Mina's fault, doncha know, but you can't really blame her because what can you expect from a woman. Ugh.

2. Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity by Julia Serano

• 4.5 stars
• The thing I remember taking away from this book is an adjustment to my idea of gender. Specifically, before I read this I had the opinion that gender is entirely a social construction, that it is not based at all on the body. The opposite of gender essentialism, basically, is what I held. Now I'm somewhere in between, and I think it changes from person to person. Some people's gender is more affected by the body or by socialisation, or both, than other people's is.

3. Daughters of the North by Sarah Hall

• 3.5 stars

4. The Women's Room by Marilyn French

• 3 stars

5. The Windup Girl by Paolo Bacigalupi

• 3.5 stars
• Liked the concept, liked the world/scenario, wish I had liked the actual writing better.

6. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Anne Barrows

• 3 stars

7. The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

• 2.5 stars
• I picked up and started reading this book without reading the synopsis, as I was attracted by the title. I was expecting something perhaps quasi-zen, or like The Secret, but what I got was a woman who couldn't accept the horrible things happening in her life, so she convinced herself that they weren't happening. The book was okay, as far as it went, but I was expecting something much different.

8. Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore

• 3 stars
• Mildly amusing. Not as original as the reviews want you to think, I've definitely read Biblical rewrites I like better, but it's okay, as far as it goes.

9. Purple Hibiscus by Chimamanda Nqozi Adichie

• 3.5 stars
• Trigger warning for child/parent conflict

10. We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson

• 4 stars
• Loved this story! Love the way you have to try to piece together what's going on before it's revealed. Love the quasi-Gothic setting.

11. The Accidental by Ali Smith

• 3.5 stars

12. The Book of Night with Moon by Diane Duane

• 4.5 stars
• Good for anyone who considers their cat to be a person in hir own right. This book is responsible for introducing words such as hauissh (The Game), ehhif (human) and ffheih (spayed/neutered cat) into my household's vernacular.

13. The Whole World Over by Julia Glass

• 4 stars
• Enjoyable, kind of like something Elizabeth Berg would write, but with a better plot and better writing. I remember liking the partially stereotype-defying characters.

14. White Teeth by Zadie Smith

• 3 stars
• Enjoyed parts, but it seemed to drag.

15. Liar by Justine Larbalesteier

• 3 stars
• Basic young adult supernatural fluff. The only way this book kept my attention was by employing several 180-degree plot twists.

Scoring system is as follows:

1 star = hated

1.5 stars = didn't enjoy, but didn't hate

2 stars = didn't enjoy particularly

2.5 stars = enjoyed somewhat

3 stars = enjoyed, but might not read again

3.5 stars = would probably read again

4 stars = would like to own a copy

4.5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read occasionally

5 stars = would like to own a copy, and would probably read often

more stuff I didn't need

and no, this isn't a rant about the consumerism of the holiday season.

top things I was worried about 3 days ago

• getting all my holiday crap baked
• getting M's presents made
• going back to work on Sunday
• getting a new job because my job sucks
• cleaning my house

top things I am worried about right now

• going back to work tomorrow
• getting a new job
• being an emotional wreck for the rest of my life because I am too anxious to enjoy it
• being crap around children for the rest of my life because I have quasi-PTSD issues surrounding children

so, as you can see, my priorities have taken a turn for the ... exceedingly melodramatic. and also shitty.

wheee!

Novel novels project

For those of you who don't know (and since I'm mostly talking to myself here ... well, whatever) I like to read. A lot. Alotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalotalot.

Quite a bit, is what I'm saying.

About one year ago, I was getting fed up with what I'm going to call the rapid re-read phenomenon.
The first time you read a book, you understand it one way, based on where you are in your life. Then, when you read it again, you understand it in a different way, based on where you are at that point. I've always thought the differences in understanding that you note can be almost important as the influence of the book itself, because it's a way to track the variations in your own worldview.

Here's where the rapid re-read phenomenon comes in. I noticed that if I re-read a book in rapid succession, with, say a four-month interim, I wasn't so much noting the — at that time, very minor — differences between the last time I read and the current time, I was moulding my current read to my last read, effectively making sure I wasn't getting anything new out of the current read.

Although wasting my time with the current read was annoying, that by itself probably wouldn't have spawned the novel novels project. What did it was what I noticed when I read a book for the third time in rapid succession. If four months had passed between the first and second reads, lets say 12 months passed between the second and third reads. Ordinarily, an interim period of this length would not be problematic, but because I had reinforced my first read by reading a second time in rapid succession, that first version of the read was in my mind more firmly than a single read, 12 months ago, would have been under other circumstances. My interpretation of the book, during the third read, would closely mirror those of the first and second reads.

I was afraid that if I kept reading a book with not enough time between readings, that I would lose the ability to understand the book in new ways, because I would be forever stuck in the rut of my first understanding — or whichever understanding had been reiterated.

And so, I decided to go one year without reading any books I'd read before: to read only novel novels, as it were. I do read more than just novels, but the name amused me, so I stuck with it. I started this project on January first, 2010. Sometime in June or July I decided to extend the project beyond just the year, until my 25th birthday, in July 2012.

My primary goal with this project was to avoid the rapid re-read phenomenon, but I am enjoying a major secondary effect: discovering new authors, and new books by previously read authors, to a lesser extent. I find myself having much more to read, many more books checked out from the library and many more requests into the library. Before I started the project, I would only seek out new books if I was bored and my weekly browse-around-the-library didn't get me much. Now, whenever I hear or read someone talking about a book, I will either do a little research to see if I might be interested or just skip that altogether and add it straight-away to my library request list. I am constantly on the lookout for new books, and so I see them all over the place.

I plan to post all the books I've read this year in the next few days, with my star rating and perhaps a few words about what I liked.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiight ...

The let's play thing is probably no longer happening. Certainly not the way I envisioned, at least.

New project in the works, though! I'm sure we'll all be amazed, especially if I can stay with it long enough to finish.

Thoughts on fat-shaming and mental health

[TW for discussion about mental health, mention of abuse]

Today on Shakesville, Liss posted two discussion threads about fat hatred, one for sharing stories about you fat-shaming someone and one for stories about people fat-shaming you.

And I'm sure I have many stories about both, but what's coming to mind is my grandmother talking to me about my mother.

Specifically, sharing with me, whenever my mother had lost a bunch of weight, that she was happy.

Thing is, aside from the part where she shouldn't be policing her daughter's weight, what she doesn't understand is that (almost always) my mother losing a great deal of weight is a sign of a manic period of her bipolar disorder. This "good thing", this "reason to celebrate" is in fact evidence that my mother's mental health is not the greatest, a fact which my grandmother refuses to recognize, just as she refuses to recognize that my mother has been abusive.

And I don't feel like I can share this with the Shakesville community at large, for one because it's not about me, it's about my mom, but mostly because it's hard to concisely articulate all the issues surrounding the story.

In trying to be an ally against ableism*, I feel it's part of my duty** to respect people's choices regarding their mental health. Seeking treatment, taking meds, all of that is the decision of each person, and it's not up to me to police their decisions.

That said, I am the daughter of someone who had undiagnosed bipolar disorder for more than a decade, and who, after diagnosis, has not adhered to the treatment plan set out for her by her doctors. I firmly believe that my mother having bipolar disorder is not an excuse for her totally crap parenting of me and my siblings.

I don't know whether or not her abusive and neglectful behaviours were caused (entirely) by the disorder. I don't know if it's possible to know that. I do know that when you have children, it's your responsibility to care for them. Perhaps especially when you go out of your way to have children, through adoption.

As her daughter, I can't help but wonder if she had gotten diagnosed right away and followed the treatment plan if my life wouldn't have been so fucked up, if my sister's life wouldn't have been so fucked up, if my brothers would grow up to be better men than I fear they're going to grow up to be.

But I feel that I can't talk about this in a space that has been designated as an ableism-free space. So I don't really know what to say.

* An ally at this point, because I'm still on the fence about deciding if I identify as a disabled person or not.

** Duty in a good sense -- not something others put on me, but things I have decided that I want to do.

Blog note

Due to personal complications, I have decided to scrap the whole Tuesday and Saturday LPFNV thing.

Posts will hence be made when I fucking feel like it.

That's all.